Removing Thorns from Roses
by Laseiza
Summary: Haseo and Endrance continue their friendship after defeating Cubia and saving The World. Will it develop into something more?
1. CH 1

CONTENT WARNING: HOMOPHOBIC SPEECH and SELF-HARM and / or SUICIDAL IDEATION

* * *

At the southwest end of a rainy field, surrounded by ocean, the PCs Haseo and Endrance stand together. They have just defeated the last monster altar.

"Oh, another one of these items...I have 99 already," Haseo opens the treasure box in the middle of the mound. "Endrance, could you use it?"

Endrance is putting away his sword. "Of course...I will gladly accept any gift from you..." He reopens the chest and takes the item.

"Not technically a gift..." Haseo mutters, "It just won't fit in my inventory."

Endrance ignores the comment and gives a smile. "What a lovely area..." He makes a gesture as though to breathe the misty air. "...I could stay here forever with you...Haseo..."

"Ah, yeah..." Haseo awkwardly rubs the back of his head. "It's getting late though, we should finish up here. Look, the boss monster's over there."

Endrance follows beside his friend who is walking toward the massive beast silhouetted in the fog. He feels like he could skip, he's so happy to be adventuring with Haseo. It doesn't matter where they go, as long as he can see and talk to this wonderful boy.

Currently they're trying to find a rare weapon material to complete Haseo's "Book of 1000". Once Canard's guild level increases to ten, he will be able to ride his steam bike inside the temples, not just in the fields. So Haseo chose the area, as he does every time he and Endrance play together.

The two stop just behind a Forest King, prepared for a surprise attack.

"Ready, Endrance?"

Endrance nods his head.

Unseen, they rush the monster, and gain the upperhand. The two make a good team – both quick, both powerful, used to the other's fighting style. This boss is slow, but Haseo mistimes a dodge and is thrown backward. The Forest King is powerful when the hits connect. Not missing a beat, Endrance tosses over a healing potion and continues attacking, raising the combo chain into double digits.

Purple and blue lights begin to swirl about the creature's huge body. Haseo, now back on his feet, wastes no time in activating the Rengeki. His dual swords slice easily through the boss as he spins high in the air.

Soon after, the great Forest King collapses, causing the ground to shudder. Haseo, as the leader of the party, is presented with the reward.

"Yes! Desert Rose Leaf - I got it," he turns to Endrance, smiling triumphantly.

"That's wonderful, Haseo," Endrance returns the expression. "Thank you for inviting me along."

Haseo snorts, "You say that every time. I'm not trying to do you a favor, you know. You're actually helping me." He appears to consider something for a moment, then adds, "Here, this is for you - reward items I won't use. Thanks for healing me back there."

He's given Endrance a gift of a Loose Lionel and few status effect items. The swordsman knows from experience it's pointless to refuse - it only irritates Haseo. So he simply says "Thank you," his eyes sparkling in the dim light.

"Don't mention it," Haseo waves his hand and starts to walk away again. "I should log out and get some studying done. Let's head back to town."

"Of course..." Endrance turns in the same direction as Haseo, towards the warp point. He's reluctant to end the quest, nevertheless he accomodates Haseo's busy schedule. "...You're...so dedicated, Haseo. Perhaps you should take a break now...get some rest?"

Haseo sighs, "Can't. Exams are coming up. But I had fun adventuring tonight. I'll message you next time I have an evening free."

"Thank you again, Haseo...I always treasure the time we spend together. I look forward to seeing you soon..."

They have reached the warp point now. Haseo is surrounded by the bluish rings and slowly disappears, followed by Endrance. Once back in town, they bid each other good night and sign out.

Ichinose Kaoru only logs out of 'The World' reluctantly. Having his headset on means he's connected. He's afraid to be disconnected, alone. Even though he spends most of his days in his room, seeing the sun and trees and people in 'The World' is the opposite of solitude - it's a perfect world where he controls how close others get, where no one can see his face and judge him.

For him it's good enough to live in one reality. Kaoru doesn't have the capacity to fully exist in two.

But then six months ago...

He met Haseo.

A person who is busy, who has a life so full; Kaoru can't help but compare himself. If he and Haseo both had gardens to represent their lives, Kaoru would have a largely empty plot. He likes roses best, so he would have a single thriving bush in one corner, the ground just soil and some weeds, not even grass. But Haseo's garden is full. It's not landscaped or tidy, it looks wild, but there's so much colour. Every plant has a different flower. Kaoru can think about that garden and admire it.

It's more than admiration. Kaoru is amazed at Haseo, yet he doesn't understand why someone would go through all the trouble when a single rose bush is good enough.

Perhaps Kaoru himself isn't as adequate as he thought. Perhaps befriending Haseo means he's ready to plant something new and become a worthwhile person.

He decides to check his email before he tries to sleep. He doesn't bother glancing at the clock or out the window - date and time have been irrelevant to him for years.

A smile sneaks out when he sees a message from Haseo. He must have just sent this – Kaoru feels a wave of warm appreciation at the the thought of Haseo taking time to answer before opening his textbooks. So, even without the M2D over his eyes, Kaoru still has this connection.

The email reads:

"Re: Where you live

I live in Tokyo. What about you?"

Haseo isn't one to type long exchanges, but it still thrills Kaoru. He composes his response:

"I live in Kanagawa Prefecture...I can see the ocean from my window...

I see...So you're in Tokyo...

That means we can meet anytime...I'm so happy...

I'd even be willing to leave my room if it meant I could meet you..."

He sends the email, first draft, showing his true feelings. Whether or not Haseo wants to meet doesn't bother Kaoru much; he will accept it wholeheartedly either way. He doesn't overanalyze his words when speaking to Haseo. On the rare occasion he converses with other people, Kaoru always avoids potentially uncomfortable topics. But he can't imagine lying to Haseo.

There's something different about his new friend; Haseo seems to genuinely care for him, like no one else ever has. Back in Indieglut Lugh where they first really spoke, it was as though Haseo could see through Endrance into Kaoru's heart. However terrifying, it was also a relief to not need to pretend. Haseo's blunt rhetoric cut through Kaoru's defences and saved his life, therefore he felt he owed it to Haseo to be completely upfront. Kaoru was honest to another person for the first time when they met. And when it comes to do so nowadays, it isn't a chore.

Kaoru sighs. His mind working makes him more tired. He doesn't change his clothes before settling into bed.

Being away from his computer makes him nervous. Kaoru fidgets with the blankets, staring at the ceiling. The apartment outside his room is silent. To put himself at ease, he imagines a day out with Haseo. They're somewhere in Tokyo - he uses a scene of Akihabara he remembers from a movie - and Haseo is showing him all his favourite shops. Kaoru, laying on his back, puts his hands behind his head. In his imagined scene, he enjoys the tea at Haseo's regular cafe. They sit together and talk for hours.

Kaoru sighs, more contentedly this time, and he drifts off to sleep.


	2. CH 2

Misaki Ryo sits at his computer in the weak morning light after a restless night , shocked as he reads Endrance's email.

"I'd even be willing to leave my room if it meant I could meet you..."

He's never heard Endrance mention a desire to leave his room. He's heard of the rare necessary trips for food or toiletries, but the anxiety they generate Endrance made clear. Ryo supposes their friendship means that much – enough to brave an outside world that doesn't understand him. Ryo feels that way sometimes too, and Endrance appreciates their shared view. However they have yet to breach this particular topic.

He ponders over what meeting Endrance would be like. No, not Endrance, the person who controls that PC. Ryo realizes he doesn't know the real name of that person. It seems strange that they have been through so much together, yet such basic knowledge was overlooked.

Now that things have settled down, online at least, Ryo chooses to remedy the oversight. He types:

"That would be cool. First of all though, we should know each others' names. Mine's Misaki Ryo. "

After reading it over a couple times, he deems the message satisfactory and sends it. Knowing Endrance, there will undoubtedly be a strange yet enthusiastic response by the time Ryo gets back from his high school classes.

They have only been friends in 'The World' for about six months now but it feels much longer. Thanks to the AIDA and Cubia crises, all the friends Ryo made recently know him better than anybody ever has. He cringes with embarrassment when he recalls how vulnerable he has been lately.

Ryo still is not used to relying on others. He fixes his problems alone or not at all. He learned early on opening up to others is dangerous and only weak people need help - his parents saw to that. Ryo realizes now they didn't impart that belief with malicious intent; they want him to be independent, strong.

Though...Endrance doesn't seem weak, and he accepts Ryo's help all the time. Maybe that's what love means – not being afraid to open up.

But Ryo isn't in love, and however strong he becomes, he's still lonely.

Ryo mentally shakes himself and puts on his shoes to leave for school.


	3. CH 3

Kaoru doesn't know what time it is, standing at his window, but he does know a rainy spell is just beginning. The glass is slightly cool to the touch from the air conditioning. He has just woken a few minutes ago.

Outside, it's foggy and pouring. It reminds him of the field he and Haseo occupied last night, but not enough – there are no fantastical monsters or gentle fireflies or soft grass covering the ground. Hard concrete, strangers, grey buildings with blank windows from where eyes can judge; that's what Kaoru sees.

Suddenly, he feels a pang of hunger. At first, he's confused by the feeling, having experienced it so infrequently.

Most mornings his mother leaves rice and miso outside his bedroom, so Kaoru shuffles over and opens the door a crack.

There's nothing. Not even dishes from yesterday.

Curious, Kaoru opens his door wider, casting his eyes about the top floor of his family home. Against the opposite wall is the staircase, going down. At the top of the stairs is the small room containing the toilet and, close to Kaoru's room along the same wall, is his mother's room. All the doors are shut.

Kaoru's mother always leaves her room open when she is at home, leading him to believe she must be at work.

He moves to return to his room when another twinge of hunger nags at him. Kaoru knows he will have to make a trip downstairs to the kitchen. He inwardly cringes at the thought of leaving his lair. Though, walking about his own house isn't too bad. No one is home, the doors are closed, people can't see past the curtains at the windows.

Nevertheless, Kaoru moves furtively across the wooden floor, then down the stairs. They creak under his bare feet. The noise brings up memories of sneaking downstairs for snacks late at night when he was a young teen. Back then, he ate more than a normal child, possibly because his body needed the fuel to make him grow so tall.

In the kitchen, Kaoru looks through the cupboards and the refrigerator, but finds little. The rice cooker stands on the counter near the sink, sparkling clean and empty, and there is no uncooked rice in the jar where they usually keep it.

He thinks of his next move. Since there is no food in the house...perhaps he can wait for his mother to return home.

No, his empty stomach has begun to cramp, too distracting to ignore.

Kaoru will have to leave the house.

He knows there is a convenience store at the end of the block. Even so, he begins to sweat and his hunger is accompanied by a huge weight in his gut.

The last time he remembers leaving the house was just over a year ago. It was a similar situation. But that doesn't ease Kaoru's anxiety. His thoughts run rampant - where is his credit card, what time is it, will there be many people on the street, will the store be open, will his shoes still fit, should he wear a jacket, is it too hot for that?

He stands frozen, spiralling, for what feels like an hour, before his thoughts jump to Haseo. What would he do in this situation?

Just thinking the name calms Kaoru. Haseo wouldn't be anxious at having to leave his house, since he does so every day for school and getting his own groceries. Kaoru admires him for those things - he does them so easily, with little thought. Is it bravery, or does it simply not occur to him that such things can be dangerous?

Perhaps leaving the comfort of his home does scare Haseo, yet he perseveres. What would he say to Kaoru to make him brave too?

Kaoru takes a deep breath and imagines his friend beside him.

 _"You know, Kaoru, being outside isn't that bad. If you're worried about people seeing you though, wear your hoodie and a hat." Then he would give a smirk, "You saved the world - walking down the street shouldn't be a big deal."_

Haseo is right. Kaoru will cover himself up, and that will protect him at least slightly from peoples' searchlight eyes, judging him and searing his skin.

Once he has equipped his armour and located a credit card, he feels calmer, as though there is a fragile, glowing shield around his body. Nevertheless, his mind races, his chest and head pound, and his fingers quake even as they close around the handle of the front door. On the other side is a minefield. Is this even worth it?

Perhaps not. Kaoru's stomach is in knots. It's painful, but he can't tell if it's only hunger anymore. He has withstood much worse before.

Much worse...for example the battle for 'The World' in which he and his friends almost lost their lives...

How embarrassing that now something so trivial gives him pause. What will he tell Haseo later? That he could successfully assist in the defeat of Sakaki, but could not open his front door?

The thought of Haseo again gives him a second wind. He imagines Haseo's hand on his, and together they turn the handle and push the door ajar.

The air is damp and hot against his face. It's just like standing by his open window in his bedroom – except very different because he is no longer supported by his four walls, he is bare. A wave of hot fear grips his entire body.

Walking down the street is one thing, but going to the store means staring at different food items, making decisions, standing in line, waiting, relying on others to quickly provide him with what he needs. Kaoru feels dizzy, his vision becomes blurry.

His legs give out beneath him. He clutches at the door but there's no need – someone has wrapped their arms about him and ushers him back inside.

"...Haseo...?" Kaoru murmurs.

The person doesn't seem to hear as they direct him to the sofa in the front room of the house. Kaoru blinks away the fog and focuses on his mother's face, looking concerned.

"Kaoru, what were you thinking? You know you can't handle leaving the house. And wearing a sweater in this heat..."

"Mother...I...there was no food. I think I was hungry..." Kaoru still feels the panic of moments ago, and his thoughts are scattered.

"Well, don't worry. I came home early and I've got dinner. I'll start right away - you look pale."

"Thank you, Mother..."

In his mind, Haseo is seated beside him on the sofa. He's smiling.

 _"Kaoru, look at how far you got. You are brave. And...I'm proud of you."_

Kaoru manages a weak smile in return.


	4. CH 4

The cram school Ryo attends three times a week is, luckily for him, quite close to his prestigious high school. When his regular classes end, he usually stops at a convenience store for a snack and coffee alone. Today, however, he is accompanied by a classmate, Moto Reiji.

The two of them connected several weeks ago over the magazine article about "Haseo the PKK", when it was revealed by an aquaintance that Misaki Ryo was the player behind that avatar. Moto doesn't play 'The World' but has always been fascinated by massive multiplayer online role-playing games.

Inside the store, Ryo stands before the snacks cooler. He selects one ume and one konbu onigiri and an ice-cold can of Boss coffee, black. He pays the cashier and waits outside for Moto, leaning against the wall of the shop.

On the street, other classmates from cram school pass by. Ryo recognizes a few of them as a group of ill-mannered boys that bully their peers. They're already shouting at each other about which of them dislikes school the most.

As the trio draws nearer to the convenience store entrance, Moto appears in the doorway.

"Oi! Is that Moto Renji over there!" The widest of the boys calls.

Moto spins around to face them, a horrified look on his face.

"Yeah, that's right, it is him!" The tallest boy approaches, "You know, I heard something real stupid about you, Renji..."

Moto attempts to compose himself, "It's Reiji. Please excuse us, we're going to class." He gestures to Ryo, who takes the hint to follow his classmate. They turn to go, but the nearest bully grabs Moto's shoulder.

"Wait, don't you want to hear the rumour!"

"We're just looking out for you Renji."

"'Cause if it's true, there are people who'd wanna...hurt you..."

The three boys surround Moto and Ryo before they know what's happened.

"You know what I heard...that you're fucking gay. Is that true?"

"How pathetic is that? You don't really like other dudes, do you?"

"Yeah, you don't want people to know that shit. They might think you're a weak little fag..."

The boy who has a grip on Moto's shoulder pushes him backward into Ryo. Caught off-guard, Ryo barely steadies himself. He can feel the eyes of the larger boys burning into his skin, judging, subjugating. The hair on the back of Ryo's neck stands on end and a shiver of anger runs through him.

"That's it! Back off, you crap-sacks!"

At first, they're taken aback at Ryo's ferocity but they recover quickly.

"Well, well, someone wants to fight back. This your boyfriend, Renji?" the tallest boy guffaws.

Ryo's anger boils over. His past experiences of being put down without defending himself add up in an instant. He's ready to start swinging when the middle boy nudges his friends and points to something in the distance, a serious expression on his face. He turns back to Ryo and Moto, "It's your lucky day - we're out of here. To be continued, homo bros..."

Taken aback, Ryo freezes. His guard lowers momentarily as the trio begins to lumber away. Suddenly, the tall one of the three forcefully grabs Moto's collar and shoves him to the ground. Moto throws his hands back to catch himself, and there is an audible crack where his elbow hits the pavement.

Ryo quickly weighs his choices – perhaps a three-on-one fight isn't the smartest decision. He ruefully lets the bullies walk away for now. He glares after them.

Other classmates who had stopped to watch the altercation begin moving again.

From the ground, Moto groans slightly. Ryo crouches beside him, "You alright? Damn it! I hate those guys!"

Moto gives a half smile, "Don't worry; my arm hurts, but it's not broken. I'll be okay. Guess that police officer spooked them," he nods to a cop a little way down the road. He accepts Ryo's hand and shakily climbs to his feet, clutching his elbow.

Ryo jerks his thumb over his shoulder in the officer's direction, "We should report those assholes."

Moto looks fearful again, "No way! I don't think that's a good idea. I don't want any trouble - they'd only pick on me more if I sent the cops after them..."

Ryo sizes up Moto Reiji, standing there with his creased shirt and tie askew, scrapes on his palms, a flustered blush still staining his cheeks, and he knows he will have to protect this boy. He sighs. Another helpless soul foisted upon him...


	5. CH 5

"Misaki...Ryo."

Kaoru is sitting at the computer desk in his bedroom, unwittingly grinning. The panic and stress of yesterday have completely washed away, for he has just learned one of the most important pieces of information – Haseo's true name. Kaoru's heart bubbles over with happiness.

He never dared to hope facts like this would be offered up unprompted, but there it is, taking up the entire monitor. Kaoru reads and rereads the email.

"Ryooo..."

It has almost been one week since the two of them last met up in 'The World'. Five days. To Kaoru it feels like an eternity. Misaki is so busy with high school, cram school, studying, and seeing other friends that Kaoru gets very limited time with him. He doesn't resent it; he respects and understands Misaki's needs and wants, but Kaoru looks forward to a day when perhaps they can be together every moment.

"Misaki-san..." Kaoru mumbles. "...Misaki-kun..." He prefers the latter and gets a little thrill out of the familiarity of it.

He begins crafting his reply:

"...You want to get to know me better...That alone makes me so happy I could burst...

Your name suits you perfectly...It's masculine yet...slightly complicated.

My name is Ichinose Kaoru...

...Strangely, my given name is spelled without kanji, so in a way, it has no meaning...

I've never felt particularly attached to it, but...now that I know you...

I feel that I am ready to give it meaning..."

Once he feels his thoughts are again calm, he presses the "send" button. Unfortunately, it will still be hours before Misaki returns home, so Kaoru can't expect a response perhaps until tomorrow.

He decides to log on to 'The World' to see the sun and scenery. That will occupy his time while he waits to hear from his friend.

"I'll look for a gift...for Misaki...kun," he takes another opportunity to say his friend's name aloud, excited to focus on him even while he's not nearby.

Kaoru wonders what sort of item Misaki's character, Haseo, does not yet own. Still in awe that Misaki shared some of himself unasked, Kaoru can't focus. Perhaps that sharing means his friend wants to be closer, to know more about him?

Kaoru did reciprocate, he shared his own name. Was that enough? Was it enough to return just what was given, or should he give a little more? What else does he have to share? He owns some rare items from all his time spent in 'The World', but maybe something personal is better than virtual code.

Months ago when he first began talking with Haseo, he shared his age, his height, his weight. At the time he was desperate to give any information he could. Getting to know Haseo had been thrilling, like undressing in front of a lover for the first time. Now, it's thrilling in a different way...like going away on vacation for the first time with a lover. Now, the two of them are experiencing new things together.

Kaoru casts his eyes about his room, hoping for a hint as to what to share next. His gaze lands on his cellphone, laying on the desk face down. The camera lens on the back of the phone glints in the dim light from the window.

A camera lens is an interesting eye through which to view one's life: a photograph is not permanent, it can be changed and edited. Kaoru likes looking at photos of scenery. Maybe Misaki would like it too?

Phone carefully perched in his hands, Kaoru positions himself before his window. It's a hot, cloudy day. The rooves of the houses in his town create a sort of path for the eye to follow straight to the ocean, visible, Kaoru assumes, only from this particular window at this particular angle. It's lucky to have this feature, otherwise on a grey day like this, the ocean blends right into the foggy horizon.

Living in a small port town, Kaoru is used to seeing the fishing boats in the bay and the buildings that never exceed four stories. However, it could be a new experience for Misaki. The thought excites Kaoru.

He takes several photos of the view from his window. In one of them, he is able to capture a few sea terns soaring toward the water. It looks the most alive, so Kaoru chooses to send this one.

He writes a second email addressed to Misaki, this time using his phone:

"Misaki...I love learning about you.

Thank you for offering up this information...and...

Please tell me more...in the future.

Even though I also told you my own name...I feel you deserve more...

So, please find attached a photograph of my home town...

It's not much, but...I have always enjoyed scenic pictures...

I hope you will as well..."

Kaoru adds the photo and quickly sends the message, eager for his friend's response. Though, he realizes, the reply will come when it comes, no matter how fast Kaoru types.

He sighs contentedly, heart full and heavy with love.


	6. CH 6

After a long day of high school, then cram school, Ryo collapses in front of his computer. It was a miserable week of cloud, heat, rain, and avoiding the terrible trio while trying to stay focused on all his courses. Thus, it has been a couple days since Ryo last checked his messages.

Unsurprisingly, two unopened messages from Endrance sit in the inbox. Ryo smirks.

"Ichinose...Kaoru...huh," he whispers to himself after reading the first mail. He was correct in assuming his friend's response would be strange – no one had ever called him "complicated" before.

Come to think of it, no one had ever really called him anything but his own name. His friends from school don't talk about personalities like that. His parents don't speak to him much except to check on his bank account, and they'd never said they were proud of him in the past. The expectations put on him are mostly unspoken. In thinking this, Ryo feels the twist of an old blade in his heart.

Before his thoughts can fall down that particular hole, he opens Ichinose's second note. It was composed on his cellphone, Ryo can tell from the subtext at the bottom. He wonders at this for a moment, until he reads the line about the attached photograph.

Ryo never considered looking at photos was something to enjoy or not. Though, Ichinose does seem to have rather unique hobbies...

He opens the photo file. It's quite a large one – Ichinose clearly did not edit before sending it. Somehow, it is unsurprising he didn't think to do so – he can be quite absent-minded. Ryo scrolls back with his mouse to zoom out.

What he finds is a beautiful sea-side town, alive even in the dead heat of summer, captured in a moment. Ryo is enthralled and impressed. The detail and lighting throughout the scene is so amazing, he can practically hear the terns calling and the waves crashing at the distant docks. Ichinose found the perfect image to embody the town where he lives. Whoever took this photograph has skill and likely many years of experience.

In searching for a signature or artist name, Ryo notices a window sill and part of an indoor wall at the bottom corner of the picture. The photo was taken indoors...

Did Ichinose capture this image himself?

Ryo is in awe. A new respect for his friend blossoms in his heart.

Before he starts his response, Ryo decides to reciprocate with his own photo.

Usually the best view of the city can be seen from his bedroom window. Unfortunately, the rain-filled clouds are blocking most of the sunlight, but Ryo attempts to capture a nice image anyway.

It's late in the evening and the colours of sunset are beginning to bleed through the grey clouds. The rain has eased up for now; a light mist is falling. The silhouetted skyscrapers bunch together like copses of trees, some short, some tall. Powerlines stretch between all of these, connecting them. On the road below, cars start and stop, red lights aglow, and they are bordered by two streams of black umbrellas running in opposite directions.

Ryo hears the click of his phone camera, though he doubts he's captured anything as wonderful as Ichinose's picture. He examines the photo and deems it good enough.

Words from Ichinose's message come back to him suddenly:

"Please tell me more...in the future."

Perhaps he will take that advice. Ichinose clearly enjoyed learning Ryo's real name. And Ryo draws a certain joy from knowing his friend is happy. Sharing even more would surely please Ichinose.

Ryo makes his single photo a set of three; the view from his window, his bedroom, and himself sitting at his computer desk. The last is a self-portrait – he holds his phone at arms length, struggling to fit the large gaming computer in the small camera screen. Finally succeeding, Ryo's finger hovers over the button, when he realizes he is forgetting something. He doesn't like to smile in photographs so it did not immediately occur to him.

For Ichinose, however, he wants to show his less serious side. Ryo curves his lips into a small, yet confident, smile, then takes the picture.

Ryo types up his message to Ichinose as he eats a late dinner; instant yakisoba with mayo. It is one of his favourite meals when he doesn't have the energy to cook.

"Ichinose, that photo...I can't believe you took it. It looks professional. Have you done any photography before?

I took a few photos too – they're nowhere near as good as your's, but I hope you like them.  
The first is the view from my window in Tokyo. I'm on the 11th floor of my building so it's pretty high.  
The second is my bedroom. I don't know why you'd be interested in that.  
The third is me in front of my computer. I haven't changed out of my school clothes yet. That's not just what I lounge around in.

Anyway, tell me more about yourself too, if you want. Tomorrow night I'm free to meet up in 'The World'. I'll see you at our usual spot."

The last noodle is gone before Ryo taps "send". He wonders at Ichinose's reaction to seeing his photos – similarly enthusiastic and poetic as his usual replies, only more so, Ryo guesses.

Perhaps this new exchange will encourage Ichinose to take more photosgraphs. He has a knack for it, to be sure. Ryo feels a responsibility to nurture that gift, as the only person currently aware of it. Kaoru does not have many interests or hobbies otherwise, and photography is a viable career option. If he pursues the interest and becomes more skilled, one day he may be self-sufficient. If there is that possibility, Ryo feels a certain level of onus rests on him, to push Ichinose in that direction.

Ryo notices the time – almost 9 pm. Earlier in the week, he agreed to meet Shino tonight in 'The World'.

These days the remaining members of the Twilight Brigade are able to adventure together only once a month when schedules don't clash. But it's never a chore for Ryo to set aside time for Shino. She is a friend who always seems relaxed, willing to talk when Ryo wants to talk, willing to enjoy the silence when he doesn't. Sometimes they only complete one dungeon in an evening, focusing instead on conversation. Being of similar age and interests, they have much in common.

Unfortunately now the two have more in common than ever. Both have experienced months-long coma, and the loss of Ovan, a dear friend and mentor.

Ryo's heart aches at the very thought of his name, but he pushes those feelings aside. He checks his messages for the area name that Shino has chosen for them.

After logging in to 'The World' and traveling to Breg Epona, Haseo greets his friend with a smile, "Hey, Shino. Long time - "

"No see," she grins mischeviously. "Ready, Haseo?"


	7. CH 7

At his favourite online store, Kaoru shops for a new desk organizer. His current one, a combination of small drawers and boxes, has been sitting atop his desk since the beginning of high school. Some of the drawer handles have come loose and many of the dividers are separated from the walls of the boxes.

Kaoru wants a new one even though he doesn't use it much anymore, as he does not have any home-work or paper-work keeping him busy. He does store memo pads and pens however, and some old sentimental stickers, still on their backing.

He is in the middle of examining a solid-looking mahogany set when his mother taps on his bedroom door.

"...Yes, come in..." Kaoru mumbles from his computer chair. Normally he feels a distance, a sort of cautiousness, between his mother and himself, likely due to her misunderstanding of his condition and his guilt of being burdensome. This strained feeling is more pronounced in recent weeks since Kaoru began to suspect her of leaving the house at night.

The door slides open a small amount.

"Kaoru, I just came to tell you..." she stands at the partially open door, eyes averted. She is uncomfortable, as always, standing outside her son's door, seeing what his life has become. But today there is something else as well.

"...Um, I've been meaning to tell you for a little while...we can't afford to buy things that are...not necesseties..." she trails off. She tilts her head down, embarrassed.

Kaoru is shocked but hides it – he doesn't want her to feel as though she needs to explain herself. Kaoru himself is her biggest cost since he does not have income.

"I see..." he says coolly.

She looks more upset at this response.

"Your father...stopped sending money recently, so...And work hasn't been very steady..."

There are several moments of tense silence at the mention of Kaoru's father.

"So please try to use what you already have," she continues. "I will sometimes be...out, at work...at different hours, and I won't be able to make your meals all the time, so you may have to make trips to the store by yourself. It's just down a few blocks, I'm sure you'll be fine..." She rambles slightly, trying to cover her guilt with words.

Overwhelmed with surprise and disappointment, with his usual burden of shame laying underneath, Kaoru cannot immediately respond. He blinks in his mother's direction.

She sighs, "I'm sorry, Kaoru. I love you..."

By the time Kaoru registers what she said, the bedroom door is shut. He inwardly curses himself, but quickly refocuses on the problem at hand.

Kaoru's father...he had been sending money. But why? And why did he stop?

Kaoru has the sudden, sickening realization that he, himself, must be the reason. He hasn't made anything of himself, he stopped going to school, he doesn't have a job...

He is such a disgrace, he knows. He pulls on his hair. What can he do...he feels so helpless...

A small sound from his computer distracts him. It's a new email. From Misaki...and there are images attached. Despite his anxiety, a shiver of excitement runs through his upper body.

As Kaoru reads the words, he becomes more and more incredulous; first, at the fact that Misaki thinks he is a professional photographer, then, at the thought of being able to see three images that Misaki himself captured. He feels so lucky.

But, too lucky.

No...undeserving is the right word.

He shouldn't open the pictures. He shouldn't be allowed to look at them. Misaki took his time to capture three separate photos, he tries hard at everything he does, and what does Kaoru do? Nothing.

Someone who has given nothing, deserves nothing. Kaoru hasn't given the world anything his entire life. He just takes and takes and uses people. He's a waste...

Misaki can make friends wherever he goes, just by being himself – but Kaoru struggles to maintain a functional relationship with his own mother. His father...probably made the right choice in leaving. He probably couldn't stand to be around Kaoru – shy, anxious, neurotic, selfish, weird-looking Kaoru. That's why he left.

Kaoru wouldn't be surprised if Misaki left too. He likely gave the photo false compliments because Kaoru is so pitiful. Misaki must talk to him and pretend to be friendly just to be nice. Misaki likely hates spending time with him...what a waste...

Perhaps Kaoru can do one nice thing in his life. He can let Misaki off the hook from spending time together anymore.

That would be nice, wouldn't it?

Perhaps the nicer side effect is that it will kill Kaoru. Once Misaki turns away from him, whether forced or by choice, there will be no point to his life, and he will fade away. Such a thing would benefit Misaki and Kaoru's mother. Without him to feed and clothe, she will have enough money to enjoy her life.

Yes...it's decided.

Kaoru unfurls from his fetal position in the chair. He composes an email meant for Misaki. His heart rends and breaks as he types, but he knows he has to do this. The message reads:

"...Misaki...

I'm sorry to bother you, but...

Unfortunately I will not make it to our meeting tomorrow night...

In fact, I've decided to stop logging in to 'The World' altogether...

Please don't worry about me. There is no need..."

Kaoru doesn't sign the note. Numb with pain and sadness, he crawls to his futon and lays there, staring blankly at the ceiling. He wonders which is the most convenient way to rid the world of his presence.

Jumping from his window would be ineffective, as the building is only two stories tall. Besides, the thought of exiting his house even for a short time...

Using a knife is out of the question. The mess it would create for his mother is unacceptable. Nevermind the fact that Kaoru has a low tolerance for pain.

Maybe the bath...he might drown himself there. It would only be a small amount of clean-up for his mother...

But that's no good. Even a small amount is too much.

If only he could simply evaporate into nothing...

Kaoru closes his eyes tightly, wishing bitterly for his life to end...to no longer be trapped in this body with these thoughts.

He begins to daydream of transforming into different animals and phantasmic shapes, leaving his human form laying inert on the mattress. He is free. Free to wander the universe, see the stars and other planets. Free from guilt, shame, expectations, responsibility...

At some point, he must have drifted off to sleep, for the next time he opens his eyes, his room is gilded in the orange light of dawn.

Kaoru regains consciousness languidly, ruefully. Out of habit, he pushes himself off the bed and shuffles to his computer to log in to 'The World'. Suddenly the words he wrote to Misaki come back to him. He isn't going to sign on anymore...he isn't going to see or talk to Misaki again...

Kaoru's heart breaks anew. He moves to return to his warm bed when something on his monitor screen catches his eye. It's a pop-up box informing him of new emails. There are more than usual...

His curiousity overcomes his ennui long enough. He sits at his chair and opens the email program. It's Misaki...

Kaoru hesitates. He broke ties with that person to improve their life. Opening these notes would only be a step backwards...

However, Misaki deserves a full explanation. Maybe that's what he is asking for...

Kaoru braces himself and opens the messages, one after another.

"Ichinose, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Are you messing with me? I'm going to be really pissed if this is some sort of joke."

"Okay, this isn't funny. You have to answer me."

"You know what? You're being really selfish right now. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get up off your ass. Message me!"

"Ichinose, you have to call me. Please, when you get this, call me."

Here Misaki left a cell number. Kaoru decides it won't be too much trouble to say "goodbye" over the phone. He isn't hesitant to call – he has no feeling about it whatsoever. With fading energy and trembling hands, he dials the numbers.

Holding the phone to his ear, he waits.


	8. CH 8

Cellphones aren't allowed in class, so Ryo's is hidden in the back pocket of his school pants. He will not risk missing a call from his friend.

Suddenly, Ryo's phone begins vibrating.

He jumps, realizing it may be Ichinose. He's been waiting for this, on edge, all morning and all last night. He barely slept.

Ryo rises to his feet and side-steps the desk where his school books are open. He walks to the front of the classroom and quietly asks his teacher for a bathroom pass. It's the easiest way to get out of class so he can answer his phone. Luckily this teacher isn't very strict about giving out the passes– this class is for study or home-work, so there is no lesson to miss.

Ryo hurriedly slides the classroom door open and enters the hall. It's empty, perfectly silent.

He jams his hand into his pocket and pulls out the phone as soon as the door is shut. He doesn't even check to see who is calling before he answers.

"Hello!"

A pause. "...Misaki..."

"Fuck!" he curses with relief. "Ichinose! What the hell is going on!"

"...Well...it's – "

"Why the hell did you send me that message?"

"...Misaki, I...I was trying to let you off the hook..."

"What? 'The hell does that mean?"

"I mean...that you don't have to be friends with me anymore."

"But that doesn't make any sense! You're being stupid!"

"Perhaps..."

"Alright, enough! I'm sick of your floaty, poetic shit! Tell me the truth – what the hell is going on?"

On the other end of the line, Ichinose takes the longest pause yet.

"I think it would be better for you, and my mother, if I wasn't around. Because I'm a burden who hasn't made anything of himself...so I messaged you to give you a proper goodbye."

It's Ryo's turn to pause. "...Ichinose...that...is the most idiotic thing you have ever said."

"...What?"

"You sound like a pathetic, whiny, dumb-ass. Not the champion of the Demon Palace, not the person who helped stop Sakaki, not the person who helped fight Aida and Cubia –"

"But those are just virtual triumphs...not tangible ones..."

"Bullshit! Lots of people would have lost their lives without you. Their real lives, not just their online selves. Besides...how could you think it would be better for anyone if you weren't around, when Ovan...he's not around. How is that better!"

"Oh, Misaki...I'm so sorry...I'm being very selfish..." he sounds sincerely remorseful.

"I didn't bring it up to make you feel bad. I just want you to know, after someone leaves like that...no one celebrates, no one thinks that it's better."

"You're right. It was foolish of me to talk like that...but, Misaki...do you enjoy spending time with me?"

"What a stupid question. Do you think I would keep inviting you on adventures if I didn't like you?"

"...No, I suppose not...you don't do anything you don't want to..."

"Ah...yeah, I guess. You could say that."

Ichinose chuckles slightly at Ryo's flustered response.

"Ichinose, don't make me save you again, alright? Promise I won't have to do this again."

"Misaki..." his voice quivers with emotion. "I'm sorry...I promise you won't have to save me again. I promise I'll be strong. How can I ever thank you..."

"You can also promise you won't stand me up again."

"...What do you mean?"

"Last night, you didn't show at our usual meeting spot."

"...But, it's tonight...isn't it?"

"No, it was yesterday. I barely slept, you know. I was worried about you."

"Misaki, please forgive me – I didn't realize...I must have been unconscious for a whole day..."

"Ichinose...seriously, are you okay?"

"I'll be fine...please don't worry about me..."

Ryo snorts, "We're way past that, you know. Plus, you really suck at lying."

"...I suppose I was tired...I hope you can understand that, even though I don't do much with my days, I always feel tired...it feels as though I'm always fighting. Though...I'm not sure who it is that I'm fighting so furiously. I got tired of that...I wanted it to end..."

Ryo nods sympathetically, "I see..."

"And I'm such a burden on my mother...I feel so horrible...every time I see her. I can see the weight that I've laid on her. I wanted to do one thing to ease that..."

"What about your dad, maybe he can help?"

There is a poignant pause.

Ichinose sighs, "...My father...he left a long time ago."

"Oh, sorry, Ichinose. I didn't know."

"Don't worry. I think it's better this way. He didn't like me very much..."

"If it was so long ago, how do you know he didn't like you?" Ryo asks cautiously.

"Well...it...there was an incident...when we were out together one time that I remember quite clearly. He was very angry and said some hurtful things. It was rather traumatic for me...and that, combined with some other events, has kept me from leaving my room..."

Ryo is silent for a few moments. "Ichinose, I had no idea."

"...But I suppose it's in the past. Perhaps I should forget it and move on...not that I haven't tried..."

"Ichinose, I'll promise you something," Ryo says in a strong tone.

"What is that?"

"I promise I won't leave. No matter how many times you push me away."

Ichinose's voice breaks slightly, "Misaki...yes, I will never push you away again."

"Good," Ryo smiles, yet he can't forget Kaoru's words from earlier. "I swear I'm going to help you get better. I don't know how yet, but we're going to figure it out, together. Okay?"

"I can't ask you to do all this just for me. It's too much...you're already busy with so many things..."

"Well...how about you start by practicing your photography? That's one way you can ease the financial burden on your mom – because you could sell the photos. Then we can brainstorm some more ideas next time we meet up in 'The World'. I won't let you stop logging in."

"Misaki, I...don't know what to say..."

"All you have to say is "see you next week"."

"...I, um...I'll see you next week, Misaki..."

"Perfect. I have to get going now, but I'll talk to you tonight."

"Ah, okay. Goodbye for now, then."

"'Bye, Ichinose. Take care of yourself."

Just as Ryo puts the phone back in his uniform pocket, the bell signalling the end of class rings. The storm of chairs sliding and bags hitting desks sounds from behind every door in the hall. Ryo sidles back into the classroom unnoticed in the din, and gathers his books.

Though inside he feels as loud and thronging as the school halls, Ryo keeps his face calm. Anger pounds behind his ears. How could Ichinose think so little of himself? How could he consider death a helpful or better option for anyone? Anything is better than...

Anything is better than the gaping hole it leaves, the constant feeling that something is fundamentally wrong – that reality is wrong. When a loved one is suddenly missing, remembering them is like dreaming. Thinking about them is like thinking of a past life. But then there are moments where the illusion falls through, and it can feel as though they visited just the other day. Like de ja vu, you're certain their death was a bad dream...though it wasn't. And the reality you're in is the nightmare.

If only Ichinose knew that...

How could he be so stupid.

Ryo drifts along the flow of students heading to the next lesson. He's so lost in thought he doesn't notice where he's going – until he fully runs into a sturdy object in the middle of the hall.

He is knocked back onto his rear, surprised. He shakes his head to reorient himself and peers up at the mass before him.

It's Moto Reiji. Somehow unphased by colliding with a boy his own size, he's extending an arm to Ryo.

"Oops, didn't see you there, Misaki!" he looks cheerful as usual, though one round eye is covered by gauze, and the arm not reaching out is in a half-cast with sling.

Nevertheless, Ryo accepts the help and climbs to his feet.

"Don't worry about it," Ryo mumbles, though he knows he should be the one apologizing. "Um, are you okay, Moto?"

Moto waves his good hand furiously, "Oh yes, please don't worry about me!"

Ryo, sensing Moto's unwillingness, presses further, "Was it those three big guys? Did they hurt you?"

Moto quickly looks away, blushing slightly, "Well...I..."

Ryo's anger rises a bit more, "Damn it! They can't get away with that! What are you going to do?"

As their next class is the same one, the two are walking there together.

"I don't know...I don't think I can tell my parents because then they'd find out the reason I'm getting beat up..." Moto finally looks distressed. It's such a rare expression for him that it's hard to watch.

"You have to at least tell the school," Ryo urges.

"Oh yes, the principal knows...I think."

When Ryo shoots him a quizzical look, Moto continues, "Well I went to the nurse here to get fixed up, and I told her what happened. I assumed she would tell someone."

Ryo growls, exasperated, "That's not good enough! For a smart kid, you're so dense."

Moto laughs, "I know."

The reply is so genuine that Ryo feels guilty for his comment. He tries to brush it off, "Anyway, I'll go with you after class to see the headmaster."

Moto looks unsure, but ultimately agrees.

Now, having reached the appropriate classroom, the two enter and take their seats. Moto needs help pulling out his chair and getting supplies from his bag, which he only accepts after failed attempts to do so alone.

Ryo thinks, What am I gonna do with this kid?


	9. CH 9

Kaoru hangs up, feeling once again overwhelmed.

Misaki has promised to help him...what has Kaoru done to deserve such a gift?

No, he shouldn't question it. That is the kind of thinking that lead him astray last time. Misaki convinced him not to think about himself that way.

Kaoru tried to end their friendship because he thought no one could truly want to be friends with him. He thought it would be beneficial. But Misaki proved again that Kaoru could be useful and likeable. He wasn't lying when he said he liked Kaoru's photo.

That is important to Kaoru. His whole life he thought his only skill was playing video games and spending his mother's money. But now, because he shared something with a friend, he's learned of a talent buried deep within him. Perhaps he is worthwhile outside of 'The World'. Not only that, this skill can be improved and turned into a job, in the future. This is the first time that he has felt a glimmer of hope for a real life.

Separate from the topic of their conversation, he found it exhilarating to talk to Misaki; to hear his voice, responding to Kaoru's own, in real time.

In 'The World', the words that a player speaks are translated into text, so no real voices can be heard. This way a degree of privacy is maintained. Kaoru always resented that feature when it came to Haseo and Misaki. He longed to hear the voice that goes with the tough adept-rogue character.

But now, he has...

Kaoru melts with ecstasy when he thinks of Misaki's voice. It is young-sounding, suiting the seventeen-year-old, but there is a gruffness to it that speaks of harsh experiences. It's perfect.

If only Kaoru had a face to put to the name and voice...

Wait a moment...

That email...he didn't open the images.

...And there was one, the last one...

Kaoru scrambles to pull up the email program once again.

There it is, the message with images attached.

Does he dare open them? The anticipation is so great. But once he has seen what Misaki looks like, what other mysteries will be left?

Perhaps he shouldn't overthink it, he should be more like Misaki – accept everything that comes and deal with it accordingly and in its own time. There's no use putting off undesirable tasks, yet at the same time, there's no sense in not enjoying something good. Yes, that feels right.

"Okay..." Kaoru tries to prepare himself. He skims through the words of the note again before opening the first picture.

This is the view from Misaki's eleventh floor apartment in Tokyo...

It's a stunning scene. Rays of light break through the clouds even as the sun sets. It bathes everything in a magical, peach glow. Kaoru has never seen buildings so tall, and every one is different in height and structure. At least one hundred neon signs of various colours and sizes shout from the walls at all angles. What they are displaying, Kaoru can't tell. On the street, cars and a few buses are lined up as if in queue. Here and there, people with umbrellas dart between them.

Kaoru is impressed. How Misaki manages to cope with all that life and noise every day is beyond him.

Once again, he can't help but compare himself to Misaki. Here Kaoru sits, in a quiet room, in a quiet town, with no skyscrapers, near the sea. The town's one focus is fishing. The photo he sent was representative of that.

Whereas Misaki lives in Tokyo – one of the biggest cities in the world. His photo is alive with colours, sights, things happening. Just like his daily life, it's busy.

...Maybe one day Kaoru's life will be that way too. Then he can finally be a worthwhile person and stand beside Misaki...

Kaoru sighs longingly, and opens the next photo file.

Like the email described, it is a picture of Misaki's room. Misaki also questioned why anyone would want to see his bedroom, but Kaoru could not disagree more.

The room is typical of a teenage student: unfolded clothes strewn about, some coffee and soda cans on the desk, but to Kaoru, since it's Misaki's room – his clothing, his mess – it's anything but typical.

The photo was taken from the doorway, looking in. Kaoru assumes the entire apartment must be Western-style, for the floor isn't tatami. It's a dark hardwood, and the walls are a light grey. There's a large window on the right-hand wall framed by thick, wine-red curtains. Against the closest wall sits a sturdy wooden desk, covered with text books, coffee cans, and note paper. The other walls are decorated with various posters: one 'The World', two anime that Kaoru doesn't recognize, and one football team Misaki must follow. Opposite the desk is the unmade bed. The frame is a wood that matches the desk and floor, and the mattress is thick and luxurious-looking with layers of simple blankets. Kaoru isn't sure which pillow is the one Misaki uses, as there are three arranged haphazardly near the top of the bed.

It's a beautiful image, Kaoru thinks. He can imagine Misaki relaxing there after a long day of school, or studying late into the night at his desk. The thought that Kaoru now has additional insight into his friend's life is exciting. He feels closer than ever to Misaki.

Until the next photo...

A real photo...of the real Misaki...

Kaoru holds his breath...opens the file...

Then lets it all out in a surprised yelp, and turns away, blushing. His face is warm, his hands are shaking, and adrenaline rushes through him, making his head buzz.

Once he regains composure, Kaoru slowly raises his eyes to the monitor. Misaki is there, staring back. Kaoru hasn't looked anyone in the eyes for so long, when the image opened and their eyes met, it felt as though someone was really there in the room with him. This startled him badly.

However, the blush was caused by something else entirely.

Kaoru thought nothing could be as beautiful as Haseo, particularly when he emotes, but now that he has seen Misaki...Haseo is a distant second.

Those eyes...piercing, bright, with a hint of sadness...

His nose, straight, almost delicate, perfectly shaped with faint freckles across the bridge.

Those lips...so smooth and full, curved into an impish smirk...

It's all Kaoru can do to stop himself from reaching out and caressing the screen of his computer, he so badly wants to touch that face.

Misaki's slim stature is clear even from his seated position. His school uniform, a navy blue blazer and pants with gold accents, hangs on him nicely. He clearly takes care in his appearance: the uniform looks brand new and the button-up underneath is free of wrinkles. Kaoru's breath catches when he notices the neck-tie, loosened after a long day, hanging so that his shirt opens just enough to reveal some collarbone. Kaoru feels the warmth in his cheeks return.

He distracts himself momentarily by examining the rest of the image. Misaki must have a different room for the computer situated behind him, since Kaoru didn't see it in the bedroom. It would be difficult to miss as the machine takes up the entire background of the photo. It's a customized gaming processor with a large flatscreen monitor, that seems to be sitting on a desk similar to the one in Misaki's room. Kaoru detects a twinge of jealousy in the back of his mind.

However, he's able to forget that when he turns his attention back to Misaki.

"Misaki...Ryo..."

Kaoru thinks again how wonderfully his name suits him. Perfectly masculine with just a touch of feminine mystery. He's so gorgeous...his slender jaw, his tan skin, his attractively unkempt dark hair...

How Kaoru longs to run his fingers through that hair, over his ears, down his neck...to take off that clothing and examine the body underneath, and breathe in Misaki's scent, the entire time looking deep into his golden eyes...

Kaoru shakes himself back to reality. He can day-dream all he wants but the fact remains that Misaki is far away in Tokyo. If Kaoru wants any chance of meeting in person one day, he can't sit around here anymore. He has to take Misaki's advice and practice his photography.

Determined, Kaoru picks up his phone. But then...what will he photograph?


	10. CH 10

Ryo flops into the chair by his computer at home. He sighs.

Ichinose is tired...Ryo knows just how that feels...

They both have their battles to fight. Ichinose has to fight his own body just to be alive. Ryo has to juggle school, entrance exams, friends, bullies...

Even though the topic of their conversation was not ideal, Ryo did enjoy speaking with Ichinose. His voice is unique; slightly breathy but not quite feminine. And his laugh...Ryo can almost picture the smile that goes with it.

Come to think of it, Ichinose never did send a photo of himself. Ryo wonders if it will be in his inbox.

No, nothing from Ichinose. He feels a twinge of disappointment.

There is a message from Kuhn, however:

"Hey Haseo,

It's our adventure night, remember? I'll be waiting with Silabus and Gaspard at Canard's headquarters! Can't wait, buddy!

Kuhn"

That's right, this evening means a quest with those three. In lieue of a reply, Ryo quickly logs in to 'The World'. True to their word, his friends are waiting just inside the guild's lobby.

"Alright, Haseo's here!" Silabus spots him first.

Gaspard jumps about happily, "Haseo!"

"What are you so excited about? I just saw you guys last week," Haseo reminds.

"Not me!" Gaspard pouts, "I had a job interview earlier that day and was recovering from it, so I couldn't make it! I was really nervous – I got hives everywhere..."

"That's right, your interview," Kuhn interjects. "How'd it go?"

Gaspard laughs, "Like you don't already know!" He turns to Silabus and Haseo, "Kuhn was the one interviewing me!"

"What! Wow, that's lucky, Gaspard," Silabus grins. "You're a shoe-in!"

"What's the job?" Haseo asks.

"Well since Pi started up her business, I've been thinking..." Gaspard strokes his chin to demonstrate. "'The World' is really important to me, and making others feel welcome here, so I want to do something related to that. When I heard Kuhn was hired a couple months ago – "

"Human Resource rep!" Kuhn adds. Haseo and Silabus share a look.

"Right! I started talking with him about the work he and Pi are doing. It sounds really great! And it turns out there's an opening for a Player Liason, and hopefully I get the job! I'm so excited!" Gaspard is practically bouncing with joy.

Haseo can't help but chuckle, "That's pretty cool, Gaspard. Good for you."

"Well, shall we get going? I saw these area words on the forum today – I thought we could try them out," Silabus shrugs.

"...Which forum did you get them from?" Kuhn eyes his friend suspiciously.

"Yeah, Silabus! Some of the forums you frequent are kind of shady..." Gaspard squeaks.

Silabus feigns innocence, his nose in the air, "I have no idea what you're talking about..."

"Remember last time we let Silabus use his "special" forum area words, and that giant sausage monster," Kuhn shudders. "Clearly some players are hacking the game."

Silabus waves his hand, "No, nothing like that this time, promise!"

"Quick, check if his fingers are crossed!" Gaspard jumps behind him.

Haseo shakes his head, grinning.

What ensues over the next few hours is a genuinely fun adventure that allows Ryo to forget the stress of his day. The area they warp to does look a little odd but thankfully, nothing the shape or size of a giant sausage appears.

Inevitably, with Kuhn present, the topic of women and girlfriends comes up.

"...And I called her last night, but she says she wants nothing to do with me!" Kuhn finishes. "Honestly, I don't get it..."

"What's not to get, Kuhn? You just attract a certain type...you know...crazy?" Haseo suggests.

Silabus and Gaspard snort with laughter.

"Oh yeah, so what type are you attracting, huh?" Kuhn retorts.

Haseo rubs the back of his head, suddenly awkward, "Uh...I mean...clumsy, I...guess."

The other three howl excitedly.

"So, so, so, there's a girl!" trills Gaspard.

Haseo shakes his head violently, "No! No, nothing like that!"

There's a quiet moment. Then Silabus pipes up, "So...it's a boy!"

Kuhn and Gaspard both guffaw.

"Yeah, right! If Haseo is gay, I'll eat my shoes."

"No way, he's too much of a lady-charmer!"

They're looking at Haseo for a sign of agreement, but nothing comes. Haseo shuffles his feet. They all blink.

"Haseo? Are...are you -?"

"What! No! I mean...it's just that...some weird kid from school has been hanging around me! I don't even like him! Alright! It's not a big deal, let's forget about it!" Haseo stomps away.

Gaspard skips over to him and pats him on the shoulder, "Don't worry, it's forgotten! As for me..." he puffs out his chest, "I went on a date with the girl I like!"

"Oh, that girl from the restaurant, right?" Silabus asks and Gaspard nods proudly.

"Good for you! You finally asked her!" Kuhn looks down at his diminutive friend as a mentor would look at a student.

"Yeah! I was super nervous..." Gaspard admits. "And...I don't know...how do you tell if a girl likes you back?"

Kuhn jumps in immediately, continuing his mentor dellusion, "Well, there are a couple ways. First, if she tells you she likes spending time with you, that's a good sign. Second, if she goes out of her way to make or give you gifts, or buy you things she thinks you'll enjoy," he's ticking these off on his fingers as he goes, and Gaspard is listening, totally absorbed.

"Third, she cares what you think about her, that's an important one. And fourth, she says your name a lot. Those are just the basic ways to tell," Kuhn closes his eyes sagely.

"Wow, Kuhn, you sure know a lot," Gaspard sighs in wonder.

"He better, he's basically ancient," Haseo jabs. Behind his back, Silabus and Gaspard hide their amusement.

"Hey!" Kuhn looks put-out, "I may act old and wise, but in reality I'm young and healthy as a spring rooster! I'm just mature for my age."

Silabus nods in agreement, "Sure, you are."

Everyone but Kuhn detects the note of sarcasm.

At the end of the dungeon, the four of them split the loot evenly. They chat about their upcoming week and arrange to meet at the same time seven days from now. They all fondly bid each other good night and log out.

Ryo can feel the hint of a smile still on his face. He didn't tell any of them, but he really values their friendship. Where would he be without Silabus's logical intelligence, Gaspard's good-natured optimism, and Kuhn's experience and know-how?

He definitely understands why Ichinose relies upon him so much – Ryo is the only person who really talks to him. To have no one to confide in or enjoy time with sounds quite lonely.

If Ryo himself were in the same position, he might act the same way.

Although...would he? Now that he's thinking about it, Ichinose does treat Ryo differently than his other friends do. Strangely enough, Kuhn's words from earlier come back to him.

"...She tells you she likes spending time with you..."

Ryo shakes his head. This is ridiculous. Ichinose isn't a girl. Though, everytime they meet up, he does say that.

"...She goes out of her way to make or give you gifts, or things she thinks you'll enjoy..."

Didn't Ichinose send that photograph of his home town, just because he thought Ryo would like it?

"...She cares what you think about her..."

Their phone call the other day demonstrated that with certainty. Ichinose was worried that Ryo didn't like him...

"...She says your name a lot..."

Well, now that Ichinose knows Ryo's real name, he does use it a fair amount. Ryo thought he was just being polite...

No, it can't be. Kuhn doesn't really know what he's talking about. Right?

But, if he does, that could mean...does Ichinose like him?

Ryo isn't dense; he notices when Endrance comes on to Haseo. But he assumed that was all an act, a persona he puts on. It wasn't anything real, and it wasn't connected to him, the real Ryo.

But now, signs point to it being true; Ichinose has real feelings for him. Ryo isn't sure how to react to this. His stomach flip-flops uncomfortably.

Before he gets carried away with these thoughts, he should speak with Ichinose, to find out for sure. Though, Ryo doesn't relish the thought of that conversation. Perhaps he will try to ignore it instead...


	11. CH 11

Next morning, just after the sun peeks over the mountains to the east, Kaoru is laying in his bed. For once he slept soundly. The happiness he felt yesterday at seeing Misaki's photos still warms his heart.

He even printed one of them – Misaki's self-portrait – and unabashedly pinned it to the wall. It feels good to have a picture like this; an image of a person he knows. That's what typical young people have in their rooms, Kaoru guesses; photos of friends and places they've been. At least one half of that list is checked off.

As for the other half, what kind of place might he visit in the future? Kaoru has seen vast flower gardens advertised on television as tourist spots. He would love to see one in person. Of course, it would be even better if Misaki was there too.

Sudden inspiration hits – why not photograph flowers? Kaoru loves flowers. There are plenty of them here, outside this very house, in the garden. It would be a perfect spot since there is outdoor lighting but a tall fence surrounding the yard. That way no one can see him or what he's doing.

Kaoru tests this idea by imagining himself in the garden outside. It does cause his nerves to stir but he knows he can manage.

Encouraged, he opens his bedroom door. Perhaps, if his mother is home, he can ask for a real camera...

Down the hall, he spots the door to his mother's room, and it's shut.

His mother leaves the doors open when she is at home, therefore, she must be out. Though it seems odd for her not to be home at this hour. Usually she would be downstairs making breakfast, but there is no sound from the kitchen at all. Kaoru gets an uneasy feeling.

She may be sleeping in today. That could be it. Why, then, is the door closed?

He might check by opening it a crack...

No, he doesn't think that appropriate – he takes enough of her waking energy to risk disturbing her sleep. He decides to keep this worry out of his mind for now.

Downstairs, Kaoru tentatively lays his fingers on the handle of the front door. He tells himself everything will be fine, he will only be in the garden, and he can go indoors at any time. He takes a few shaky breaths, and turns the door knob.

Though humid, the air smells fresh. The heat of summer hasn't taken hold yet this morning, so Kaoru feels comfortable in his jeans and cotton shirt. He removes his phone from his pants pocket, checking that the camera lens is clean.

Rounding the corner of the house, he is almost blown away by the rainbow of colour that meets his eyes. This year, all sorts of plants are blooming in the garden. Though Kaoru knows the layout of his back-yard quite well, his mother is always planting something new. Her hobby used to be ikebana, which has now translated into a love of gardening. Kaoru isn't sure if she is still interested in that...

The Ichinoses are lucky to have a family home with a large yard; it's big enough for the pond, small patio, and moss garden. A neat rock path leads from the garden gate to the farthest fence, with stops at the wooden deck and a bridge over the pond. Cozy beds of moss cover most of the ground except where slate grey boulders are nestled. About twenty perfectly sculpted spherical shrubs of varying size sit comfortably on slender trunks, almost seeming to hover. They all sport a different colour and type of flower, with small buzzing insects inspecting every petal. Yet another hue blushes from the leaves of Japanese maples, turning this way and that in the slight breeze.

On the patio, bonsai in fancy ceramic pots are lined up. Kaoru doesn't recognize most of them. Some are in bloom; pink flowers, white, and yellow ones.

When he crosses the tiny stone bridge, he looks down to see the fat koi. He always enjoys watching them swim, and decides to snap a few photos.

Just being outside in the midst of these plants is rejuvinating. Kaoru breathes deeply, enjoying the warmth of the sun. Maybe being outdoors isn't all that scary...

Kaoru continues his photoshoot with the toad lilies; they seem to be attracting the most butterflies. He is able to capture a black swallowtail mid-flight, and celebrates with a quiet, gratified laugh.

For some reason, this seems easy. Kaoru turns his head and finds multiple new shots – his eyes intuitively balancing light and shadow, object size and shape. When he looks back at the images he has captured, he doesn't dislike them. What's more, he is actually enjoying himself. It's an unfamiliar feeling, being that he is away from his computer, but it's exciting. Kaoru feels as though he has found a secret door, which he had the key for but didn't know where to use it. And past the door is a bright place where he knows himself and has something to look forward to.

He remains in the garden, adding to his growing gallery, ignorant of the time. That is, until a noise at the front of the house grabs his attention. It sounds like a car pulling in to the driveway...

Kaoru decides to investigate.

His suspicions are confirmed; it's his mother's car. He watches from the corner as she climbs out, then, from the back seat, grabs two large paper bags. One appears to be groceries, and the other – clothing, perhaps. But not new clothes; they seem to have been stuffed hurriedly inside the bag.

Kaoru feels anxiety pull at the corners of his mind, but he stores it away for now. Clearing his throat, he steps into the driveway, calling out.

His mother starts, expecting to be alone in the yard.

"Kaoru! Goodness, what are you doing out here?" As she speaks, the bags shift in her hands in an attempt to conceal the clothing.

"I was just enjoying the garden...it's quite lovely."

"Well, thank you. It's nice to see you outdoors." She seems flustered, and adds unnecessarily, "I just stepped out for some groceries. Are you hungry?"

Kaoru knows this is a lie, as he has been up since dawn and she was not here. He is hurt and confused as to why this is happening, why she is lying to him. He examines her tired face, but ultimately finds no answers.

"...I suppose I will eat something. Thank you..."

After a silent lunch in the kitchen, Kaoru returns to his room. His excitement begins to grow again as he thinks of what Misaki might say when he shows off the photographs he took today. He spends the rest of the afternoon meticulously choosing the best ones and editing colour and contrast.

Unfortunately, there are still four days to go until Endrance joins Haseo on another journey in 'The World', but if Kaoru sends an email, Misaki will likely answer before the day is over.

"Misaki, how are doing today? I hope you got enough sleep...

...I feel guilty for all the trouble I have caused you.

Regardless...I will no longer push you away. I hope you feel you can share your burdens with me as well. I want to help you as much as you have helped me...

I admire your use of the camera as well, Misaki...I love the pictures you sent me. I posted one of them on the wall by my bed...it's encouraging to wake up to your face every day.

Today, thanks to you...I was able to go into my yard...I took photos of the flowers and plants there. It was wonderful to feel the joy of simply being outdoors in the sun. I attached some of the pictures to this email...

Misaki...thank you, for all you have done for me. You may not realize what those things are, but it doesn't matter...as long as you continue to be yourself...it makes me happy.

...I look forward to when we can talk next..."

Kaoru sends off the message after attaching his favourite photographs, then checks the time. Misaki should be finishing his regular classes any moment. Perhaps Kaoru will be lucky enough to receive a response from Misaki on his way home.

In the meantime, he logs on to 'The World'. Endrance only gets part-way through a dungeon when a note pops up, informing him of a new email.

Excitedly, he switches back to the desktop screen and opens the email. It's from Misaki – the only person who ever sends him anything worth reading. It says:

"That's pretty cool, good for you for going outside today. And the photos are only getting better. I'm impressed.

It feels kind of weird knowing you have a picture of me on your wall...but I guess it's alright.

Speaking of which, you never sent me a photo of yourself. What's up with that?"

Kaoru types his reply so eagerly, he has to fix many spelling mistakes before sending it:

"Misaki, your praise lifts my heart...it doesn't feel so...heavy lately. I feel more brave...I was brave enough to leave my room today.

Thanks to you, I can see myself becoming the person I want to be...

On the other hand...I can't bring myself to show my face. Please forgive me, I am aware it is unfair to accept your photo without sharing my own...but, I fear I would scare you away with my appearance. Perhaps one day...I will show you my face, when we can stand beside each other..."

He waits almost half an hour for the next message, during which he wanders through his game as Endrance.

"What do you mean? Why would I be scared by your appearance?"

Kaoru composes a reply:

"...I should've told you, back then, when my father got angry...it was because he was ashamed to have me as his son...

I...look different. I don't like to go outside because...people treat me differently. I don't want...I am scared you would treat me differently if you saw my face..."

Kaoru doesn't have to wait long this time before he hears the notification sound.

"That's stupid. Who cares what other people think? Besides, don't you know me well enough to realize I'm not that shallow.

Either way, if you don't want to take a photo, then don't."

Kaoru senses a hurt tone in Misaki's words.

"I'm sorry, Misaki...I do know you, but...

It's my own fear I have to fight with now. Thank you for understanding...

Is there anything you would like to talk about?"

Kaoru waits patiently. Another half hour or so, and Misaki's short message indicates he needs this evening for study.

Kaoru bids him goodnight, and continues meandering through 'The World', albeit with a certain sadness hovering over him.


	12. CH 12

"Oi, you!"

Ryo looks up from undoing the laces on his sneakers. He has just arrived at his high school. Through a forest of students' legs milling about near their lockers, Ryo sees three sets of trunks rooted right in front of him.

It's the trio of deliquent boys that keep harassing Moto.

"What do you want this time?" Ryo snaps.

They share a guffaw. One of them teases, "My my, you ought to be more friendly. You'll never get ahead being rude."

Another adds, "Yeah, Renji won't get your grades up if you're mean. That's why you hang out with him, isn't it? 'Cause you're the idiot that's behind a year, right? And our friend Renji is top of the class. I have to say, it's a good plan."

The wide one concludes, "I bet you guys have great study sessions..." He mimes a rude gesture.

Ryo's vision clouds slightly with anger. He feels rage filling his stomach like a sickness. He's standing up straight now, though he doesn't remember doing so.

"Again...what the hell do you want with me?" Ryo snarls.

The tall one snorts to his cronies, "He assumes we want him...he's definitely a homo..."

The middle boy pipes up, "We heard that you're a little tattle-tale bitch. Running to tell the teachers on us won't save you..." he cracks his knuckles. "...We're suggesting you leave old Renji alone. He doesn't need some pathetic idiot bothering him."

"You mean other than you three?" Ryo hisses.

"Hm. We'll let you have that one - probably took most of your limited mental power, and we want you to remember our message."

"Stop hanging around Renji, or we'll make you regret it."

"See ya, homo!" They turn and leave the school lobby.

Ryo is seething. He can't see from the blood pulsing past his clenched teeth to hammer in his ears. He thinks he must have changed his shoes and walked to class, because when he snaps out of it, he is sitting at a desk in English class. His bag is clamped in his fists.

"Misaki!"

"Yes ma'am!" Ryo starts and looks up. The teacher is pointing at him from the front of the classroom.

"Translate the next sentence!"

He quickly looks around; other students have their textbooks out. Ryo scrambles for his book and flips to the correct page. This is Ryo's least favourite class, not because of the subject, but because of the instructor. She barks at her students like an overgrown bulldog and, when asked for advice on homework or universities, is just as helpful as one.

"...My aunt's vegetable garden is overgrown so I am helping to pull the weeds," he pronouces the English words carefully, his unfocused mind slow to translate.

"Fine. Higasa!" The woof of another student's name means Ryo is free from her narrow attention span. He relaxes enough to remember he should be taking notes. He again reaches into his bag for a notebook. Turning to a blank page in the "English" section, he poises a pen above the paper.

Something bumps his elbow and ink streaks up the page. Ryo turns, glaring at the careless person on his right side, ready for a fight. When he recognizes the boy, Moto Reiji, is trying to get his attention, his furrowed brow eases slightly.

"What?" he hisses, initially trying to repel Moto with a snippy response, then hating himself. In this class, silent but for the yapping of the teacher, even the whisper sounds like shouting.

Moto fidgets anxiously with a folded paper, and even when he extends his good hand to pass it to Ryo, his shaking fingers seem reluctant to release their hold. Ryo shoots him a bemused look before furtively unfurling the note behind his textbook.

"Dear Misaki-san,

I wonder if you would do me the pleasure of accompanying me to a special dinner next Sunday? Please let me know if you are free. I look forward to your response.

Sincerely,

Moto Reiji"

Ryo silently snickers at the formality of the crumpled scrap. Once he begins to process what his classmate is asking, however, his smile fades.

"...Moto, are you...asking me out?"

The boy won't look him in the eye, "Uhhmm, well maybe. I mean, if you want to. Don't feel any obligation to go...also I hope I'm not being too forward in assuming that you are..."

"Gay?" Ryo's voice raises with irritation - he doesn't like people making assumptions about him behind his back, no matter what it relates to.

Moto begins to whimper, "I'm very sorry, Misaki-"

"Nevermind, I –"

"Well well! What's this, a mid-class party!" Both boys whip around to see the teacher sauntering up to Ryo's desk. As soon as she spies the note, she snatches it out of his hands.

"Hard to have a party in this doghouse..." Ryo mumbles insolently.

"Excuse me?" she genuinely seemed not to hear, or at least not understand. Turning her focus instead to the paper in her mitts, she bays, "Oho, so this is why you can't concentrate in class - Misaki and Moto are passing notes about their next date!"

Ryo's head falls into his hands while Moto slides down in his chair so far as to be almost underneath his desk. The statement sets off a maelstrom of murmurs among the students. Their instructor is oblivious to any damage she has caused. She trots back to the head of the room, calling for quiet.

"As much as I enjoy experiencing your sordid love lives second-hand, this class is for studying! Knowing a second language is critical to getting into your university of choice! If you need to make-out with your boyfriends more than you need a good education, the door is over there!" she waves a paw in the general direction. "Now, let's get back to it, shall we! No further distractions!"

Ryo collapses back in his chair, feeling worse than ever, his face red with anger. Moto is so horrified at being singled out, he's begun sobbing.


	13. CH 13

Bored, Kaoru, as Endrance, is walking through Mac Anu. He is looking for something to spark his interest; a new quest, a new piece of armour, anything. So far, nothing. The city centre might as well be abandoned – no stalls, no people – for when Haseo is absent, everything appears grey, empty, and flat.

Endrance casts his apathetic eyes about one last time before deciding to sign out of 'The World', when he hears someone calling his name.

"It's Endrance! Oh, excuse me, Endrance, sir?"

He turns slowly to see Saku running toward him, looking panicked. He has never seen that expression on her face before.

"...Saku," he murmurs a greeting.

The small mage skids to a stop at his feet.

"Um, no...sorry, sir, I'm Bo," he fidgets nervously. "Sorry to bother you, Endrance, sir, I know we haven't really met before..."

Endrance nods. He should have realized this player wasn't Saku – the colours of the outfit and the hat are all wrong, not to mention the demeanor – but he doesn't usually pay close attention to people, real world or otherwise. Saku isn't a friend, merely a clingy acquaintance.

"...Nice to meet you, then...Bo," Endrance says, regarding the boy with vague curiousity. What could he want that is so urgent?

Bo looks encouraged that his introduction was accepted, "Yes, it's nice to meet you too, sir. The thing is...I'm scared, and...I kind of need your help."

He's in danger? How is that possible in a root town...

Bo looks almost cute, Endrance thinks, with his large, sad eyes raised to meet Endrance's own, the giant tome clutched to his chest. Then, for the briefest of moments, something stirs within him. It makes him feel panicked and angry but with a touch of warmth. What is it? Endrance identifies it as a similar feeling to the first time he saw a Chim kicked. Is it pity?

Whatever it may be, it convinces him to agree.

"What is it, Bo?" Endrance drawls.

Again, relief spreads across Bo's face, "I'm sorry to ask this of you, Endrance, sir, but Saku isn't around today, and everyone else I know is busy, so...um, well, I formed a party with some other kids I just met, and at first it was okay, but then...they started being really mean – to me and to other players. I only just managed to get away from them."

He is visibly distressed at this point, and even as he speaks, a pair of angry-looking players strut around the corner and advance toward Bo and Endrance.

"...Is that them...?" Endrance points dismissively in their direction. He already hates the sight of them.

"Eep! Yes – they won't leave me alone!"

Bo stands frozen in place, but Endrance steps around him to face the approaching PKers. They're both fairly large, clad in excessive, flashy armour. One female in appearance, one male. To a small player, like Bo, they might seem intimidating, but to Endrance, they seem to be children playing as thugs.

"You're in our way," the male one growls.

"Yes...I wonder, what will you do about that..." Endrance sighs, tilting his head questioningly.

The female player chimes in, "Pfft, who the hell do you think you are? Our business is with that pip-squeak hiding behind you."

"You mean my friend here? He's actually a very powerful mage...and he doesn't have time for the likes of you..." Endrance turns, ready to usher Bo away.

The other two laugh, "Powerful! Him! That's a good one!"

Endrance fixes them with a cold stare over his shoulder.

"You wouldn't know...because you're weak and cowardly. You wouldn't recognize true power even if...it was right before you," he dramatically whips around to fully face them. "If he weren't a powerful mage..." he continues, "how else would he know the player who held the Demon Palace title for four years running..."

After several seconds of silence, the bullies share a terrified look.

"Oh man, I think this is Endrance – that Demon Palace Champion..."

"Dude, I think you're right! I saw his picture before..."

The pair start to back away, spouting apologies, but Endrance steps in so their faces are only a foot away. He secretly revels in their awe, however his face remains icily detached.

"You two are the kind of people I hate. Victimizing those smaller than yourself...but you are the ones who are truly small..." he hisses. "Reconsider your method of play here in 'The World'...or I will hear about it. Perhaps I can introduce you to my friend...Haseo, the PKK..."

As Endrance turns away from the groveling duo, he adds, "Don't even think about bothering me or my friend again..."

Bo follows in the blade brandier's wake, not looking back. The two march all the way to the warp gate, past the giant double doors. Finally, Endrance looks down at Bo.

"...Are you alright?"

"Oh, sir – Endrance, sir! I feel great! Thank you so much," Bo grins up at him. "I know they'll never bother me again."

Endrance gives a rare smile, "I'm glad..."

"But..." Bo looks uncomfortable. "Was it really okay to lie to them?"

Endrance only blinks, puzzled.

Bo elaborates, "You said I'm powerful...that's not true..."

The tall avatar shakes his head, "No, you are...I have seen it myself...your strength. We all fought to protect 'The World' recently...and if anything proves it for certain, it's Saku."

"...Saku? Well, she is strong, for sure."

"What I mean is...she doesn't associate with anyone she thinks is weak. And she is not just your friend – she is your sister, your family – that is as closely associated as two people can be. Besides...she has a very strong opinion of what true strength is...if she thought you weren't strong, you would know it. So...when I say you are powerful...it is not a lie."

"Endrance..." Bo's eyes are sparkling. "...You're a great friend!"

He jumps and wraps his arms around Endrance, but, as short as he is, he ends up hugging only the upper legs. Ill-accustomed to showing affection, Endrance awkwardly pats Bo on the head before quickly backing up.

"Um, Endrance, sir? Do you think it would be alright if I invite you on a quest some time?" Bo asks, enthusiasm unaffected by Endrance's discomfort.

Endrance nods, "I would like that..."

The boy claps his hands together happily, "Oh, good! Well, I better get going – I think it's almost dinner time. Thank you again for your help today. I promise I'll repay you next time, okay?"

Endrance nods again, then gives a small wave as Bo disappears in the warp gate.

What a strange day...

Never before had Kaoru felt motivated to stand up for another person like that. In the moment, it was easy, but now he is surprised at himself. He didn't really think about the words, they just came out. It was the feeling for Bo that encouraged him to be so forceful – the thought of anyone harming that boy is unforgivable.

But he was wrong before – the feeling wasn't pity. It's caring – wanting to help and protect him – and he feels it even now, thinking about the adventure the two of them might embark upon. Since Kaoru is an only child and Misaki is his first real friend, it's a new feeling.

Of course he wants to be useful to Misaki, and to keep him safe, but it feels different when Kaoru thinks about what might be required to do that, compared to what might be required to do the same for Bo. Misaki is independent and stubborn, reluctant to accept assistance. Kaoru is always prepared to lay down his life, as trouble seems to follow Misaki, but he won't let on until the very last moment. Kaoru smiles just thinking about the face Haseo made when he first asked Endrance for help.

On the other hand, Bo is young and shy, yet willing to reach out. Kaoru doesn't need to be on his guard at all times. He wants to teach Bo new things, as one might with a younger sibling.

Kaoru signs out of the game. He feels good, and a little stronger. He helped someone and made a new friend today. Not only that, tomorrow is the day he meets Misaki online. Before opening his bedroom door to accept his dinner tray, Kaoru begins an anticipatory email.

"Misaki,

I am counting down the moments until I see you again...even though it is only online..."


	14. CH 14

Next evening, Ryo's school day is finally over. The rain has stopped as well, he notices with relief as he steps outside. The sun is still out and it reflects bright orange against the retreating clouds.

Some classmates exit behind him and invite him along for dinner and gaming at the nearby arcade. He declines their offer – he's busy tonight, adventuring with Ichinose. He doesn't say so, of course, but mentions he'll catch them next time.

Ryo is surprised to find a smoldering excitement in his chest at the thought of spending time with his online friend. Now that he is conscious of it, he realizes it's been growing over the past several months, and it has nothing to do with the game they both enjoy.

True, their last interaction was not ideal; Ryo's feelings were slightly hurt when his friend refused to share a photo of himself. Ryo had done so almost a week prior. For Ichinose to still feel uncomfortable around him, or to not trust him, was disappointing.

But since then Ryo considered perhaps he was being self-centered. Ichinose has been through trauma of some sort, regarding his appearance – he hasn't been very specific about that, but Ryo doesn't want to push it. So it is understandable that he remains hesitant even with his closest friend.

Ichinose has shared multiple other facts about himself – he enjoyed sciences in school, he likes roses and photography, he is an only child, and he hasn't gone for a haircut in almost two years.

Learning about his friend is interesting and, in a way he can't quite explain even to himself, exciting. The yearning for more conversation with Ichinose sits impatiently in the back of his mind almost constantly. These days when there is a new message in Ryo's inbox, he finds himself hoping it's from Ichinose.

He is a loyal friend - he proved that when he risked his life to deceive Sakaki, and, in the end, save the world from a third Network Crisis. But there is something else that draws Ryo to him. Ichinose is always honest and straightforward with his feelings, and shrewd and logical in his observations. To know oneself well enough to recognize those emotions, and to have the courage to voice them; Ryo can admire that. Besides being intelligent and coolly reserved, Ichinose has untapped potential as a masterful photographer. He seems mysterious, in a way.

Ryo steps into the train that will take him to his apartment, simultaneously checking his phone. There's a new email from Ichinose. Ryo smirks – though they exchanged cell numbers days ago, Ichinose insists on using email while Ryo is at school so there's no chance of a text alert interrupting his classes.

The message reads:

"Misaki,

I am counting down the moments until I see you again...even though it is only online...

Please message me when you get home with the area words you would like to adventure in tonight...

...Also please take your time to prepare and eat a meal before then. Your health is very important."

He makes a little, inaudible noise of appreciation once he's skimmed each sentence. Ryo already has an adventure planned for the two of them - this is the second last day for the Mitama Matsuri themed event in 'The World'. The quest involves searching through an elaborate, ancient shrine for haunted lanterns. Ryo assumes Ichinose will enjoy the lights and decorations. He smiles with anticipatory delight at seeing Endrance's reaction.

Scanning his email inbox, the bold text of an unread message catches Ryo's eye. It's a note from Tabby. Curious, he opens it.

"Hey Haseo!

I'm on a break from school - well, not technically a break, but the course work has lightened up a bit - and I thought I'd check on my old friend! Are you free tonight for an adventure in 'The World'?

I already asked Shino and she's busy, but maybe you and I can do something! Let me know soon, I look forward to it!

Tabby =^^="

Reading between the lines, Ryo realizes Tabby won't take "no" for an answer. Well, it's only one evening, he thinks. He quickly cobbles together a message to Ichinose, telling him where to meet Haseo and Tabby, then switches the names around and sends the same message to Tabby.

He exits the train and strides through the station. It's packed full of people but, like dancers, everyone knows where to go, and they glide alongside each other easily.

Ryo stops at the shop near his apartment for beef curry. He opts for take-out as his desire to be at home, away from the rest of the world, is at its peak. This is normal for Ryo at the end of a day.

Once inside his building, he decides against waiting for the elevator. There are two other tenants in the lobby, an older couple, who tend to strike up conversation when Ryo is around. He doesn't have the patience for that tonight. He gives them a polite wave as he heads for the stairwell, and climbs up to the eleventh floor.

Ryo unlocks his door, throws his bag on the sofa, kicks off his shoes and walks across the floor to his computer desk.

"Finally..." he sighs as the tension of the day falls from his shoulders. He rests for a moment in his chair, head on the desk, allowing today's events to sink in. Ryo stifles a scream of frustration. All of the recent events in his life– trauma, near-death, anger, friends, classmates, bullying, studies, exams – are too much to take.

He feels full, emotionally. Not knowing what else to do, he sits in it for several minutes, before storing it away and logging in to 'The World'.

As Haseo, he meets Endrance and Tabby at Mac Anu's warp gate.

"Hey, you two. I thought we could do this event for Mitama Matsuri. I already registered for the quest."

"Haseo, that sounds wonderful..." Endrance trills breathily. "I've always wanted to see Mitama Matsuri."

Before Haseo can comment, Tabby lunges toward him. "Haseo! I'm so happy you agreed to see ol' Tabby!"

"You can't fool me - I knew I didn't have a choice," He looks at the cat-like avatar out of the corner of his eye.

"Huh! Tabby wouldn't do that," she claims. Though there is a sparkle in her eye that lets him know she would not have left him alone until he went adventuring with her. She seems to be more fiesty since last they met up.

"Let's go. Here are the area words," Haseo messages them both the combination. All three PCs disappear in unison.

Once they have all reappeared in the selected area, Haseo explains the objective of the quest.

"...So we're looking for a lantern that shines blue instead of yellow. That one is haunted and we have to defeat the demons that are holding the spirit here."

"...The lanterns are beautiful, Haseo..." Endrance doesn't seem to be listening to the explanation, but Haseo does enjoy the expression on his face. He looks happy and peaceful, the opposite of how Haseo himself feels.

Energetic as ever, Tabby bounces a little way down the path. "Tabby's ready! Let's go, friends!"

Haseo and Endrance exchange a look. A private message from the blade brandier pops up, _"Are you feeling alright, Misaki?"_

Ryou is taken aback at Ichinose's insightfulness. He starts to type "I'm fine" but thinks better of it. He simply replies with _"I'll tell you later."_

Endrance just nods and turns gracefully to follow Tabby.

The trio begins to wander through a labrynthine temple, bedecked with thousands of golden paper lanterns. Tabby begins reminiscing about Twilight Brigade journeys, with Haseo commenting now and then, and Endrance mostly listening and marvelling at the decor.

"Yep, these dungeons sure have gotten a lot more detailed since R1! It's pretty amazing..." Tabby spreads her paws wide as they enter a large chamber, as if impressed by her own work.

"...You played R1?" Haseo asks.

"Sure! I was obsessed while I was in high school, but I only skipped class once to play. Okay, three times," she giggles. "Didn't you play R1?"

Haseo places a palm to his forehead, as though experiencing a headache. "Uh, no...I don't remember."

Endrance looks concerned at his friend.

"Welp, you missed out! 'Cause sure, R2 is great, but some things you just can't recreate," Tabby shrugs. Her attention is caught by something at the far end of the room. "Hey, isn't that a blue light?" she excitedly points.

Haseo shakes his head to clear it of an encroaching fog. "Uh, yeah. Looks like it."

As the party approaches, a group of monsters comes into focus. After a speech from one of the demons about a scheme to trap hundreds of hapless spirits, they are easily dispatched by Haseo, Endrance, and Tabby.

The blue spirit, now released from the lantern, thanks them and forms a glowing orb. To their slight surprise, it follows behind them.

"Okay. That's one down, there's supposed to be two more," Haseo explains.

"I think it's this way!" Of the two exits, Tabby runs to the eastern door, leaving Endrance and Haseo lagging behind.

"...Haseo...I appreciate you choosing this quest for us. I have never seen so many beautiful lights at once...but even all together they cannot outshine you..." Endrance looks at him sincerely.

Despite his clouded mind, a smile sneaks out, and Ryo lets it show in Haseo's face. "I'm glad you like it."

"May I...speak with you once the quest is complete...?"

Part of Ryo is yearning to be alone and the other part longs to unload his burden, to say aloud that which roils in his head and poisons his thoughts. "I...uh...I think so."

Endrance inclines his head in understanding again.

Tabby seems to have discovered the second lantern by the time they catch up. Again, the monsters are easily defeated and the spirit is freed. It joins the first orb to hover at the back of the group.

"Tabby is disappointed! There's no challenge to this quest!" she pouts.

"It's not about the challenge...Mitama Matsuri is about honouring the dead..." Endrance pipes up.

"Maybe there's a big boss at the end..." Tabby mumbles.

At the last blue lantern, the demons give a similar speech to the first they came across. This group is slightly more difficult, however it's only a few minutes before weapons are once again sheathed.

The final spirit rises from the lantern, but instead of joining its kin, it beckons the players to follow.

Haseo, Endrance, and Tabby walk down a hall lit with fewer and fewer lanterns, until the only light is that of the three ghosts. Finally the temple opens into a courtyard, though instead of a new gate on the other side, there is only an expansive field and one warp point. In the distance are faded mountains. The sky above is clear and deep navy, glinting with far away stars.

The spirits assemble before the adventurers, floating several feet off the grass. The one in the middle addresses them with a deep, booming voice.

 _"Brave adventurers, we thank you. Were it not for you, we and hundreds of others might still be trapped. Now that you have defeated the demons that held us captive, we are free to carry on. We will not forget your kindness."_

All the ghosts then bow deeply and Haseo is presented with a reward; a rare accessory and several hard-to-find health items.

As the three players stand together, marveling at their spoils, the spirits slowly begin to rise further into the air. They are gaining speed when another orb flashes past, and another, and another. Thousands of freed souls pour out of the gate behind Haseo, Endrance, and Tabby. They soar high into the sky, like a school of illuminated fish, then separate, streaking across the midnight sky.

"...Wow! That was way better than a boss!" Tabby jumps about with excitement. "Cool quest, Haseo!"

"Very enjoyable," Endrance agrees.

"I'm glad we could catch up," Haseo addresses Tabby and shares the reward items. "You can email me any time."

"I will, I will!" she chuckles. "Well, I should head out - it's an early day for Tabby tomorrow! Goodnight, friends!"

Haseo and Endrance wave as her avatar fades away near the warp gate.

"Endrance...I want you to have this." Haseo gifts the rare accessory to his friend. This is the first present he has wanted to give anyone. Ichinose always seems to understand him without Ryo having to explain anything, and he is grateful for that.

Endrance looks taken aback, an uncommon, almost comical, expression. "...Really? But, you started the quest..."

Haseo waves his hand in dismissal, "That doesn't matter. I just...want you to take it, okay?"

Endrance equips the item immediately. "Thank you very much...Misaki. Now...can I ask what is bothering you?"

Now comes the time to decide - to open up or to stay closed. Ryo hoped he could put this off until later. But there is no getting around patient, persistent Ichinose. They're friends now. He briefly considers logging out and breaking ties altogether, but it would be too troublesome to avoid Endrance any time he is in 'The World'.

Ichinose is strong, and he relies on others. That means Ryo can still be strong, even if he asks for help sometimes.

He takes a deep breath. "I'm...having a hard time...at school, you know. It's...really embarrassing."

Endrance moves a bit closer to Haseo. "I promise that whatever it is, I will not judge you..."

"...I'm a year behind..." Haseo says very quickly, then waits for the laughter and teasing.

"I understand how that would be very difficult. Are you alright?"

Relief sweeps through Ryo's body, then a warm feeling he recognizes as affection.

"I guess...I'm better than I was. See, I was in a coma for part of my childhood. So I missed a lot of school, and I still haven't fully caught up." Haseo fidgets guiltily.

Endrance's face gains the most concerned look yet. "...Coma? What from?"

Haseo shakes his head, "I don't remember. Some medical thing, but I'm fine now. I get headaches when I play 'The World' for too long though."

"Misaki...that's awful..." Endrance extends a hand as if to place it on his friend's shoulder, but stops before it reaches him. "We have been online for quite a while. Perhaps you should log out now..."

"No, I...I'm actually feeling okay right now," Haseo smiles.

Endrance smiles back. "Misaki...you're so stubborn...but I am grateful that you trust me enough to share these things. I feel so lucky...but, I wonder...is there anything I can do to help you with school work?"

"No. I've come this far by myself, I don't need your help now."

After it comes out of his mouth, Haseo realizes the words sound rather callous. He doesn't know how to fix it, but it doesn't matter - Endrance is already apologizing.

"Forgive me, Misaki...I didn't mean to imply you are incapable..."

"Nevermind..." Haseo brings his hand to his forehead again, wanting the moment to pass by.

The curious, concerned expression returns to Endrance's features. "You did that earlier...are you sure you're alright?"

"What?" The gesture is subconscious for both Ryo and Haseo, thus he doesn't immediately realize to what Endrance is referring. He moves his hand away from his face.

"Oh...guess I do have a bit of a headache. It's nothing."

"...Before...it happened when Tabby mentioned R1...could that have something to do with it?" Endrance suggests.

Haseo doesn't have long to consider the possibility before a shooting pain flares behind his eyes. He shouts in agony and doubles over. His friend's avatar rushes to his side.

"Misaki! May I help you...?" Endrance reaches out tentatively to steady Haseo.

Though the gesture is essentially meaningless, being solely virtual, Haseo accepts the support, leaning into Endrance's body. In his apartment, Ryo rests his upper body weight against his desk, trembling and sweating.

"Dammit...what the hell...was that..." Haseo pants. "When I thought about R1..."

"Misaki, don't push yourself, please..." Endrance wraps his arm about Haseo's shoulders. "I'm sorry I brought it up...you need to rest. Perhaps we can talk about this another time..."

"...Yeah..." Haseo takes several deep breaths to compose himself. "Thanks, Ichinose. I'll be fine."

"Will you text me...once we log out, to let me know how you're feeling...?"

"Sure," swaying slightly beside Endrance, Haseo nods. Then apologetically moves his hand to the back of his head. "I'm sorry...this wasn't how I pictured our adventure going...with my bad mood, and Tabby, then...whatever the hell that was just now..."

Endrance shakes his head gently, "Don't apologize, Misaki. I value any time we spend together..."

This time, he fully lays his hand on Haseo's nearest shoulder. "Bad and good moods come and go...and we cannot always control that...but...we can choose the people that surround us. You make me happy, Misaki. I know I didn't cause your bad mood...all I want to know is how to help turn it to a good one, if I can. And, of course, I will always look out for your good health..."

"I don't know why you care so much, Ichinose, but...thank you. You're a good friend." Haseo admits. They exchange another smile.

"I guess I ought to rest now, though...I just realized I forgot to eat my dinner..."

Endrance gives him a harsh look. "Log off and eat something...please..." he adds, not accustomed to giving demands.

"Don't worry. I'll text you soon." Haseo takes the few steps to the warp gate. "Goodnight, Ichinose."

"Goodnight, Misaki..."

Ryo drags his headset away from his eyes. He feels more vulnerable than ever. Why does he continue to appear weak in front of his friends? Will he ever be truly strong?


End file.
